My horoscope this morning reads:
"If you want something new and wonderful to happen in your life now, you have to free yourself of something old and dreary. The problem is that even though what you need to be free of is dragging you down, it is also a source of comfort for you. You have come to see it as a stable aspect of your life, even though it isn't positive. Change your perspective, and look at the situation more realistically. Once you move one, you will move up quickly."
On occasion my horoscopes induces goosebumps by how accurate it can be.
This New Year brought such a strange sensation for me. On one hand I felt relieved to be able to put one more year behind me, one more year of schooling, one more year of work, one more year of paid off bills that I can stick in my back pocket.
There was also a sense of excitement. This year is going to bring a lot of changes for me. I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth. 2012 is going to be the year that brings me into adulthood. The list includes graduating, moving, careers, houses and the talk of future children; it feels as if everything we've worked so hard for is actually going to pay off.
However, with all the excitement, there's a place in mind that is completely blocked out with anxiety and fear. I have grown so comfortable in my daily life; although my days might not hold too much excitement, they hold stability. I go to class, work and then come home and crawl into bed next to my husband and do the whole thing over again tomorrow. Like I said, not exciting, but comforting. I have so much support here with my family and husband constantly here to keep me motivated; and now I'm faced with the fact that all this is about to change.
I've always wanted to feel like I served a bigger purpose than myself, that's why I fell into teaching, that's why I got married so young, and that's why I've always wanted to be a mother. I want to know that my life was spent constantly growing and giving, and now I have an opportunity to do more than I ever thought possible. For anyone who hasn't heard yet, Luke is getting ready to make the biggest decision of his life, he is about to sign on as an Officer in the United States Air Force.
I always knew that whatever Luke did, it wasn't going to be in the ordinary. Luke's never been the desk job type and I knew that when I married him, it's one of the reasons I love him. He needs adventure and he needs to be challenged and I know that if he chooses this path he will find what he's looking for.
When I do tell people that this is what is in store for me I always get such interesting reactions, mostly, "Aren't you upset?"
Why would I be upset?
I know that this requires a lot of sacrifice from me and it's going to kick me right out of my comfort zone, but it is my job as a wife to support my husband. I always told Luke that the one thing I will never let him do is wake up one day and regret that he didn't do something.
So yes, I am terrified at what this all means. I know that it will mean distance from both him and my family at times. It means possibly putting a hold on applying for jobs. It means taking on all the other responsibilities and finances so that he can focus on his career. It means all this and more, but I feel that this is what I am meant to do. This is one more opportunity for me to serve a bigger purpose.
I never thought I would be a military wife, but if it is my husbands calling, than it is mine as well.
