You Don't Deserve a Point of View if the Only Thing You See is You!

Seeing as I only have a few days before I'm back in classes, I figured I'd take some time for myself and write.

Something I've really started to take notice about myself lately is that I am an extremely sensitive person. Both physically and emotionally. My body is extremely sensitive to temperature changes in the sense that my circulation actually becomes effected, I'm a person who can feel a storm coming because the pressure in my sinuses change, and I'm also someone who gets a sick feeling and I get extremely uneasy when I'm around high EMFs, such as power lines.

Emotionally I'm extremely sensitive as well. Negative people, situations and comments really get to me, even if they have nothing to do with me. Normally I just try and keep myself out of negative issues, but lately that doesn't seem possible. With the news being pounded with stories about Kaleigh Wilson and now Aubrey it's hard not to feel sick. Social situations seem to be just as bad. Everyone wants to talk about this person, or argue about that issue. Granted I have been guilty myself in participating in the useless gossip, but anymore people are taking it way too far. I can't even open up my facebook without seeing someone post something negative or judgemental or something controversial. I get that facebook is a forum for opinions on everything, but the fact that you can do it behind a computer screen and not actually have the conversation allows people a false sense of security that they can say whatever to whomever and have no repercussions for it. I am not a person who sits on my facebook and drives my religious and political opinions into everyone on my friends list because not everyone wants to hear it, nor is it the proper way to discuss issues. In my opinion not everyone is open minded enough to discuss anything on a website such as facebook. People feel they are either right or they are right, so there's no point discussing anything that involves an educated opinion.

Overall I'm just trying to express how all this negativity is effecting me poorly. Lately I have been feeling exhausted, my stomach is constantly upset and my focus is fuzzy; and I know this is because the past couple weeks I've become more aware of how much we hurt one another. It seems like the only thing anyone cares about is themselves. No one stops to think about how they might help a situation, but rather they focus on criticizing everyone else and pointing out faults of others. I know this is something that is never going to change, sadly, but I know that I do need to change the way it effects me. I cannot let my health and my optimism be effected by everyone else's poor attitudes. Therefore I have decided to start finding one positive thing for every negative comment I hear, focusing more on those little joys in life, and making sure that I really am aware of the words that I speak with other people. Gossip and judgemental comments really do a lot of harm, so my goal is not be a part of the hurt, rather someone who stands up for the weak and outcasts.

I will always be a sensitive person, but now I know that I can switch that to something positive and ultimately help those who might have the same reactions to insensitivity as I do.

UNC Fails Again

So for about the past four years I have suffered from these very intense pains in my lower stomach. Every doctor I went to ran about one or two tests but when they couldn't figure it out they just kind of wrote me off. The pains are so sharp that typically I need to lay down until they pass because any movement just intensifies it. Fortunately, the pain usually only lasts a few minutes and it slowly eases away. However, recently these pains are more frequent and tend to last longer. Also, I've had extreme heartburn, nausea after eating, and stomach discomfort. Now I'm no doctor, but that's not right. So I went to the UNC clinic and the doctor seemed very concerned, even dropping the words, "future cancer," so I figured she would figure it out. After three hours of tests including giving three things of blood, she sent me home. I get a call TWO weeks later saying she would look further into it Friday. Then today I had an attack but this time the pain lasted over an hour. After I told the clinic that I was in extreme pain they graciously let me in before a few people with stuffy noses. This doctor actually listened to me, made me direct ultrasound appointments, and didn't even charge me. Health care is really getting ridiculous. Anymore you have to hound a specific place before anything gets done. Thank goodness I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow, and should have some answers soon. Pretty much I'm disgusted with the student clinic. I realize they are an establishment of the University but this was one situation where I was really let down and felt cheated seeing as I pay about $900 a semester for health care. Thank you UNC for failing again.

Valentine's Day

So, apparently I'm not as good at keeping up with this blog that I thought I would be, oh well... Anyways, I got to thinking today about the either despised or cherished day of Valentine's Day. It's a very interesting day because there seems to be people who are completely infatuated with the holiday, those who seriously can't stand it, or those of us who take our own meaning from it. For me it happens to be the anniversary of my engagement to Luke. February 14, 2007 Luke Corliss asked me to marry him. I know it sounds cliche but it truly is a day that changed my life forever. This was a starting point for a lot of changes in my life. For one, the event caused a lot of backlash from my so called "friends." It made me realize who my true friends were and who really shouldn't be in my life. I grew up a lot because of this. I went from a very trusting and naive person, to a very strong and hesitant person. When I realized that I was a joke and even the cause of a bet, to those people who I would have done anything for, I found that I needed to stand up for myself and stand by my decision to take the next step with Luke. On a more positive note, this day also changed the relationship with my parents. Their approval and support meant so much to me. They allowed me to grow up a my own pace and respected the fact that I was ready to move on to something bigger. They were constantly there for me and this in turn made me so much closer to them than I had ever been before. This step also initiated Luke and I to move in together. I know it's an old taboo to move in together before you're married, but I would seriously suggest this to anyone considering marriage. You learn s much about a person by moving in with them. You find out how to deal with someone elses annoying habits. Living with another person you find out what's worth fighting over,ad what's not. You learn how t form your life around someone else, how to handle financial stress, you suddenly realize that things aren't always about you, and you certainly learn to say the word sorry, no matter how stubborn you are. Overall, Valentines Day signifies the start of a promise I made to Luke. To always stand by him, to support him, to tell him when he's wrong, to admit when I'm wrong, and to love him every single day of my life. Luke is my very best friend and I am so lucky to have him with me every step along the way. I love you Lucas Alan Corliss, and I always will. Love always, your wife.