It’s officially the day after the closing of another show, and here I am…unsure of what to do with myself. For about two and half months, most of my evenings consisted of rehearsals and production preparations. As the show approaches, my life is consumed with the show. Hair, costumes, makeup, mic checks, and of course socializing with the cast and crew. And finally when it’s all over I relax for about two minutes and then I’m looking for something to do. So to fill up this empty space I figured I’d write about what I know, the stage.
This past show was different for me than others. I was able to take more of a back seat, really observe the whole process, and take the time to soak up the experience. One experience I focused on was being backstage. With every show I have ever done I can always pinpoint one specific second of the show where I experience the same exact thing, stillness. I know that doesn’t quite make sense when referring to a theatre production, but as much energy as there is, there is also a perfect stillness.
My first real experience with the stillness was my freshman year of high school. I was in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer’s Night Dream playing fairy number whatever, and I recall sitting in the wings waiting for an entrance. For that time I was invisible. The wings were darkened, only lit by glow tape. The curtains hung from the ceiling, guarding me from the audience. I looked out at the stage where Titania was wooing Oberon. The lights on stage were mixed with blues and purples, making the floor look like a mystical ocean. In this moment, despite all the action being played out on stage, with the reactions and eyes of the audience glued to the stage, I was hidden and still. It’s this wonderful mix between the energy and anxiousness, applause and laugher, and the simplicity of the quiet of the wings.
For this last show, Diamond Studs, this moment for me was always during the same scene, the Unreconstructed Rebel. Every time I heard Ken’s voice, preaching to me about not giving a damn, I would stop and just be still. Up on the balcony, behind the audience, I had the perfect view. I could openly watch the motivational hymn speaking to the wounded, rousing the soldiers, and just as the hearts of the characters were being lifted, I could see the audience internalizing the same feeling. This is my magical moment where I feel like I’m sharing a secret. I’m not seen, not heard, just feeling. Feeling the anticipation, the appreciation, and the stillness. Always the stillness.
As much as I love being front and center of the show; to feel the spotlight heating my face, to hear my lines and then anticipate the reaction from the audience, I also crave the stillness. It’s perfect, it’s simple, and it’s a personal moment that I can attach to every show I have ever done. It’s just one more thing that lets me know I could never walk away from the stage.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Scorpio Predictions
My horoscope this morning reads:
"If you want something new and wonderful to happen in your life now, you have to free yourself of something old and dreary. The problem is that even though what you need to be free of is dragging you down, it is also a source of comfort for you. You have come to see it as a stable aspect of your life, even though it isn't positive. Change your perspective, and look at the situation more realistically. Once you move one, you will move up quickly."
On occasion my horoscopes induces goosebumps by how accurate it can be.
This New Year brought such a strange sensation for me. On one hand I felt relieved to be able to put one more year behind me, one more year of schooling, one more year of work, one more year of paid off bills that I can stick in my back pocket.
There was also a sense of excitement. This year is going to bring a lot of changes for me. I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth. 2012 is going to be the year that brings me into adulthood. The list includes graduating, moving, careers, houses and the talk of future children; it feels as if everything we've worked so hard for is actually going to pay off.
However, with all the excitement, there's a place in mind that is completely blocked out with anxiety and fear. I have grown so comfortable in my daily life; although my days might not hold too much excitement, they hold stability. I go to class, work and then come home and crawl into bed next to my husband and do the whole thing over again tomorrow. Like I said, not exciting, but comforting. I have so much support here with my family and husband constantly here to keep me motivated; and now I'm faced with the fact that all this is about to change.
I've always wanted to feel like I served a bigger purpose than myself, that's why I fell into teaching, that's why I got married so young, and that's why I've always wanted to be a mother. I want to know that my life was spent constantly growing and giving, and now I have an opportunity to do more than I ever thought possible. For anyone who hasn't heard yet, Luke is getting ready to make the biggest decision of his life, he is about to sign on as an Officer in the United States Air Force.
I always knew that whatever Luke did, it wasn't going to be in the ordinary. Luke's never been the desk job type and I knew that when I married him, it's one of the reasons I love him. He needs adventure and he needs to be challenged and I know that if he chooses this path he will find what he's looking for.
When I do tell people that this is what is in store for me I always get such interesting reactions, mostly, "Aren't you upset?"
Why would I be upset?
I know that this requires a lot of sacrifice from me and it's going to kick me right out of my comfort zone, but it is my job as a wife to support my husband. I always told Luke that the one thing I will never let him do is wake up one day and regret that he didn't do something.
So yes, I am terrified at what this all means. I know that it will mean distance from both him and my family at times. It means possibly putting a hold on applying for jobs. It means taking on all the other responsibilities and finances so that he can focus on his career. It means all this and more, but I feel that this is what I am meant to do. This is one more opportunity for me to serve a bigger purpose.
I never thought I would be a military wife, but if it is my husbands calling, than it is mine as well.
"If you want something new and wonderful to happen in your life now, you have to free yourself of something old and dreary. The problem is that even though what you need to be free of is dragging you down, it is also a source of comfort for you. You have come to see it as a stable aspect of your life, even though it isn't positive. Change your perspective, and look at the situation more realistically. Once you move one, you will move up quickly."
On occasion my horoscopes induces goosebumps by how accurate it can be.
This New Year brought such a strange sensation for me. On one hand I felt relieved to be able to put one more year behind me, one more year of schooling, one more year of work, one more year of paid off bills that I can stick in my back pocket.
There was also a sense of excitement. This year is going to bring a lot of changes for me. I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth. 2012 is going to be the year that brings me into adulthood. The list includes graduating, moving, careers, houses and the talk of future children; it feels as if everything we've worked so hard for is actually going to pay off.
However, with all the excitement, there's a place in mind that is completely blocked out with anxiety and fear. I have grown so comfortable in my daily life; although my days might not hold too much excitement, they hold stability. I go to class, work and then come home and crawl into bed next to my husband and do the whole thing over again tomorrow. Like I said, not exciting, but comforting. I have so much support here with my family and husband constantly here to keep me motivated; and now I'm faced with the fact that all this is about to change.
I've always wanted to feel like I served a bigger purpose than myself, that's why I fell into teaching, that's why I got married so young, and that's why I've always wanted to be a mother. I want to know that my life was spent constantly growing and giving, and now I have an opportunity to do more than I ever thought possible. For anyone who hasn't heard yet, Luke is getting ready to make the biggest decision of his life, he is about to sign on as an Officer in the United States Air Force.
I always knew that whatever Luke did, it wasn't going to be in the ordinary. Luke's never been the desk job type and I knew that when I married him, it's one of the reasons I love him. He needs adventure and he needs to be challenged and I know that if he chooses this path he will find what he's looking for.
When I do tell people that this is what is in store for me I always get such interesting reactions, mostly, "Aren't you upset?"
Why would I be upset?
I know that this requires a lot of sacrifice from me and it's going to kick me right out of my comfort zone, but it is my job as a wife to support my husband. I always told Luke that the one thing I will never let him do is wake up one day and regret that he didn't do something.
So yes, I am terrified at what this all means. I know that it will mean distance from both him and my family at times. It means possibly putting a hold on applying for jobs. It means taking on all the other responsibilities and finances so that he can focus on his career. It means all this and more, but I feel that this is what I am meant to do. This is one more opportunity for me to serve a bigger purpose.
I never thought I would be a military wife, but if it is my husbands calling, than it is mine as well.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)